


The Lawn Mower Incident

by Mossyrock



Series: Ineffable Husbands Bingo [19]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Based on the video of the flying lawn mower, Crack, F/M, M/M, With Mariah Carey screeching over the top of it, you know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21715213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossyrock/pseuds/Mossyrock
Summary: Brother Francis is ordered to Germany for a quick Heavenly assignment. Nanny Ashtoreth agrees to tend the garden while Aziraphale's gone.Based on that video/vine of the flying lawn mower. And also slightly inspired by the fact DT broke the Bentley. Straight up crack.For my Ineffable Husbands bingo prompt - Lawn Mower Accident.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth/Brother Francis (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Husbands Bingo [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1476251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	The Lawn Mower Incident

Brother Francis was going away for a few weeks. If you asked Mr and Mrs Dowling, they would say he was going to visit his sister in the west country. 

But if you asked Aziraphale or Crowley – not as their human aliases – they would say that Heaven had decided that Aziraphale was needed in Germany. As unhappy as he was about it, Aziraphale had no choice but to get himself over there and back as soon as possible. He didn’t want to leave the young and impressionable Warlock with nanny Ashtoreth for too long without his Heavenly influence. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Crowley, but it was his job to make the boy as evil as possible. The apocalypse seemed a Hell of a thing to leave to chance, or a demon – no matter how nice Aziraphale knew the demon secretly was. 

Still, Heaven called. And when Heaven called, Aziraphale must answer. Whether he wanted to or not. 

“How long did you say you’re gonna be gone for again?” Crowley asked.

They were back in Aziraphale’s bookshop for the evening for their bi-weekly work meetings and back as themselves. Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale loved being disguised as the nanny and the gardener. The teeth had been a bad idea, Aziraphale had to admit. But he’d always had a flair for the overly dramatic. 

Aziraphale had wondered more than once if it wasn’t too late to swap jobs. 

Although, he was rather fond of nanny Ashtoreth. She was rather commanding and domineering. But that was neither here nor there. 

“I’m not entirely sure. Heaven weren’t particularly specific, I’m afraid. Though, it shouldn’t be longer than a month or so.” 

Crowley frowned. 

“I’ll be back as soon as possible. It seems a fairly straight forward assignment,” He continued. 

“Should I go with you?” Crowley asked. 

“No need, dear. I can look after it. And if you are needed there, I can do a few less than angelic miracles on your behalf.” 

Aziraphale hadn’t always felt comfortable doing Hell’s bidding. He still had twinges of guilt occasionally. But he’d never done anything too bad. There was no blood on his hands. He did the bare minimum to get Crowley a good result and that was it. It wasn’t a big deal, he reasoned. 

“Alright, but I’m not going to stop teaching Warlock the ways of Hell just because you’re off gallivanting all over Europe.” He crossed his arms and looked sullen. Warlock had perfected that look, thanks to Ashtoreth. No matter what Crowley looked like, he was always so _Crowley_. 

“I would expect nothing less.” He smiled at the demon, making Crowley's frown deepen. 

“But, while I’m gone, perhaps I could ask one small favour?” Aziraphale pouted at the demon, who resisted the look for a record 5 seconds before sighing and giving in.

“What is it, angel?”

“The lawn needs to be mowed and the plants looked after. You don’t think you could tend to them for me, while I’m away?” His big blue eyes looked up at Crowley with hope. 

* * *

Crowley hadn’t really gardened before. He wanted to do a good job for the angel, but he was beginning to think this might be a harder assignment than when he’d had to tempt Pope John XII. Although, that hadn’t been too hard, all things considered. Octavianus had never been a particularly saint-like man. Still, he’d reported that as a huge success. The head office had been very impressed. 

He, unlike Aziraphale, was fine with using a few miracles here and there to get the job done.

Aziraphale had told him that plants grew better with love and patience, with hands-on care. But Crowley was working two jobs. He hated working even one job. Two was an absolute nightmare. 

_There was no rest for the wicked,_ he sighed. 

Besides, it wouldn’t do for anyone to see the nanny doing gardening. How would he explain that? 

He glanced around, making sure no one could see him, then he miracled the plants into order, with a few stern words.

 _All is going well_ , he thought. 

In fact, he was enjoying it. He idly thought about buying himself a plant to tend for his apartment. 

Until it came to mowing the lawn. That was slightly harder to do surreptitiously. He thought about forgetting it and leaving Aziraphale to deal with it when he got back, but then he imagined the angel’s disappointed face and just couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

Those big blue eyes killed him. 

He waited until no one was around. The family was out on some diplomatic outing to some town no one had ever heard of and as such most of the staff had the day off. He would’ve too, if not for the gardening. 

Once again he cursed his inability to say no to the angel. 

He started the old push mower with a quick miracle – there would be no silly pulling of cords for him. It started quick enough and he began to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

He also refused to push the thing around. He wasn’t made for manual labour. He sent it trundling off around the lawn with a flick of his wrist. It made perfectly straight lines and turned when it reached the boundary. 

It would be the neatest lawn in all of England.

Aziraphale would no doubt be incredibly impressed and jealous. 

Maybe he’d reward Crowley with one of his rarest smiles. 

_Or maybe_ , said the tiniest piece of Crowley’s heart, _a_ _kiss_. 

He dismissed that thought as quickly as it came, as he’d done for millennia. It was practically second nature at this point. 

He was roughly halfway through the lawn when he heard voices from inside the house. He panicked, looking through the window to see the head housekeeper and the butler talking and laughing in the kitchen. 

They looked happy. In the few years he and Aziraphale had been a part of the Dowling household, they’d both come to like most of the staff. Most avoided the stern and mysterious nanny – which suited Crowley fine – but Aziraphale had ingratiated himself with the entire staff. He was just so lovable that even as a hideous gardener, people couldn’t help but be drawn to him. 

Crowley empathised. 

He was completely taken by surprise when the two employees began to kiss. _Arthur and Joanne_? He’d never have guessed. He couldn’t wait to tell Aziraphale when he got back. It wasn't often Crowley had the human gossip. 

The sound of the mower suddenly changed. There was no longer the sound of chewing up grass, yet the motor still ran. 

He turned back towards the lawn, expecting to see the mower motionless, but instead, it had taken off. Literally. It flew through the air, executing a perfect loop. 

He didn’t know what had happened. 

He stood staring as the mower gracefully flew, before the pointed clearing of a throat startled him, sending the old mower plunging to the earth. It landed with an almighty crash. 

Aziraphale was looking at him with comical bewilderment. 

“Crowley, dear – why was the lawnmower flying?” 

* * *

And that was how the Dowling’s finally came to own a brand new ride on mower. 

Also, Aziraphale laughingly informed Crowley that Arthur and Joanne had been married for 40 years. They had three children. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. I'm not sure what this is either.
> 
> And yes, in the book Crowley has had plants for at least a decade or two by this point, but let's ignore that for this silly little piece of nonsense, shall we?


End file.
